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‘Life is difficult’. These were the opening words to a multi-million selling book in the 90s called The Road Less Travelled by an American psychiatrist, Scott Peck.
This author painted a very authentic view of life in which we will all, at times, be faced with problems of varying severity. Peck was insightful in stating that problems can offer us the opportunity to feel fulfilled and to experience growth. However, he was accurate in stating that many people don’t take this opportunity; instead, their default position is to indulge in denial and avoidance. Peck went on to assert that in avoiding problems people can end up experiencing more stress than that caused by their problems in the first place.
Peck captured his claim with these words,
This tendency to avoid problems and the emotional suffering inherent in them is the primary basis of all human mental illness. Some of us will go to quite extraordinary lengths to avoid our problems and the suffering they cause. . . . building the most elaborate fantasies in which to live, sometimes to the exclusion of reality.
The price for embracing avoidance when confronted with problems rather than trying to solve them is severe and Peck’s words are unambiguous,
But the substitute itself ultimately becomes more painful than the legitimate suffering it was designed to avoid.
It seems really quite self-defeating, but in choosing to avoid problems rather than tackle them we invite more suffering upon us. Peck quoted Carl Jung to reinforce his theme – Jung stated that ‘neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering.’ So, our tendency to choose avoidance can make us unwell.
So, how did Peck see a way forward? He made two very basic recommendations. The first is the acceptance that life will always be characterised by occasional problems and the second is the need to ‘accept responsibility for a problem before we can solve it.’ Peck believed that many people complain of their problems, ‘as if life should be easy.’ Rather bluntly he stated that,
Life is a series of problems. Do we want to moan about them or solve them? Do we want to teach our children to solve them?
But some people seem unable to accept that life is a series of problems. They look through a distorted lens in which they assume that they should be inherently happy and if they’re not then life is unfair. This is an inauthentic way of living.
The reluctance by many people to accept their own responsibility in dealing with problems only adds to their unhappiness. Peck noted that,
many, so many people seek to avoid the pain of their problems by saying to themselves – ‘This problem was caused me by other people, or by social circumstances beyond my control, and therefore it is up to other people or society to solve this problem for me.'
Peck was emphasising that a common disposition of people when confronted with problems is to (a) engage in a blame narrative and (b) to assume that they are a ‘victim of circumstances.’ This is a toxic combination that leads to increased suffering and stress.
Scott Peck was adamant that confronting our problems was the only real sensible option, but it calls for personal courage. Here are his key propositions.
When we avoid the legitimate suffering that results from dealing with problems, we also avoid the growth that problems demand from us.
Problems call forth our courage and our wisdom; indeed, they create our courage and wisdom.
It is in this whole process of meeting and solving problems that life has its meaning.
Peck emphasised the key opportunity that problems can offer us quoting Benjamin Franklin – ‘those things that hurt, instruct.’ He followed this quotation with a challenging conclusion,
It is for this reason that wise people learn not to dread problems but actually to welcome problems and actually to welcome the pain of problems. For Peck, problems are the solution to our problems.
Written by Dr Alistair McBeath, Chartered Psychologist and Accredited Counsellor & Psychotherapist at the Craigie Partnership.
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